Sunday evening, after a wonderful dinner on South Grand, fellow activist Claire Nowak-Boyd and myself decided it was time to end the proliferation of Walgreens, which is plaguing the built environment of our fine City. The target: Mike McMillan's new Walgreens. Yes, the former 19th Ward Aldermen, current License Collector, and soon to be Mayor had to pay for unnecessary demolition and violation of the Strategic Land Use Plan as well as issuing TIF while the school and city are financially distress
ed. We could no longer tolerate such gross negligence, which is all too common in Room 230. An example, a statement had to be made. Urbanists will no longer anonymously comment on various blogs and Internet forums. We are taking our message to the street and with force.We decided to take the Walter Sobchak approach: take out the building with my Cadillac. Yes, erasing the Walgreens, while rendering my car inoperable, would be the perfect beginning on the path towards an automobile independent, sustainable, and walkable City. What better way to express opposition than by dispatching two anathema at once!
As Claire pulled into the parking lot a warcry was rendered out loud regarding the benefits of form based zoning and preservation review. As the Cadillac reached the event horizon I imaged the cinder blocks, and my engine block, crushing in an orgy of destruction. It was a glorious moment.
Unfortunately, no damage was done to the Walgreens while my car was destroyed. But, in the end, we tried, St. Louis, to save you from horrible urban planning, machine politics, and the hedonistic decision making that is eroding our comparative advantage. We did our part. We tried. Assuming history is not rewritten my Paul McKee and Rick Sullivan, may this day be remembered in the annals of urban and preservation activism.
Disclaimer: This is political satire. It was an accident, not intentional. Claire did it. But we still think the design is bullshit. Fuck you Koman Properties and get some balls Rollin Stanley.
3 comments:
Great Post... Sorry the Walgreen's won.
Oh no, the poor Walgreens! I'm glad it's okay. If you had taken that one out, I would have had to go another two blocks to find another Walgreens!
Claire, I officially rescind my offer of learning how to parallel park with my truck.
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